Life in Brazil

     Exactly a week ago today I did one of the most difficult things I have ever done to date.  I preached about following Jesus then I told my Brazilian church family that I was leaving them to answer the call of Jesus to return to the States.  Since the summer of 2000 when I sensed in my heart and spirit that Jesus was calling me to follow Him to Brazil He has asked me to do some very demanding things.  The calling to do these types of things hasn't changed.....however the way in which I respond to His calling has.  I used to "freak out" at the idea of change or anything that would upset my "comfortable" little life I had created for myself.  But God had to call me out of that life in order to expose my heart, my insecurity, my woundedness and my fear.  He used Brazil to do that.  Now when He calls, my response is less fear and more trust.

     So this chapter called "Brazil" is coming to a close......in fact almost in exactly three months on December 17th Brazil will end and a new chapter will begin.  The Author has indicated to me it's time to write new material and where the story will lead well.....that's up to Him.  I will say this...my heart has been very heavy for the United States for the last four years.  I have had a great burden for the spiritual condition of things there.  My desire is to continue ministry in the Pacific Conference in some capacity.  I am waiting on God's timing and leading.  My hope is to use what God has taken me through and taught me to help other people.  I still have much to say regarding God's healing in my life and I'm hoping for the opportunities to share these things.  If any of you serve on committees that plan retreats or special church events and are in need of a speaker I would hope you would consider me.

     This past week has been spent sharing my "news" with my students in Vila Esperança and at Life English Center as well as with other individuals.  Needless to say people's responses have been the same.......wanting to know why I am leaving and expressing sadness that I will no longer be living here.  I can't adequately express how difficult it has been to look into their eyes and see the sadness and disappointment.  Yet I must admit....up until a week ago I was experiencing doubt about whether or not I had made any kind of impact here.  You know friends, I knew exactly where that doubt was coming from yet it was hard shaking it off.  It wasn't until God said to me in no uncertain terms that my time here had "not been in vain."  Looking back at the responses of this past week has been the evidence of that fact.  This process of sharing my news has felt like an "unloading" of this secret I was asked to keep.  Physically I feel pounds lighter and as if a heavy weight has been rolled off my back.  When you are asked to keep quiet about something for 14 or 15 months it can be difficult at best and excruciating at worst.  This is part of the reason I have been silent here for the last nine months.  When you are experiencing things for the very last time it kind of makes it hard to write about it so forgive me for my silence.  Now that all of this is out in the open I can be more forthcoming about what I'm experiencing in these final months.

Before I sign off I want to take some space for some "shout outs."

• David Dormaier - for being God's mouthpiece and the first one to say, "Shelly, you should go to Brazil to teach English."
• Priscilla Lamm - for telling me that "missions could change my life" and physically putting that short term application in my hands.
• Duane Erickson - for taking a second chance on me after a disasterous first short term experience and continuing to believe in me when very few others did.
• Barb Sangren - for being that friendly voice on the other end of the phone and being like the big sister I never had.
• Shirley Roehl - for being that voice of encouragement and knowing when to push me when I needed an extra push.
• ECM office staff - you know who you are and your work in the office has been invaluable!  Without you what I do simple would not have been possible.
• Luciana and Riva Rocha - I may not have lived up to your expectations the first time.......but you gave me a second chance and God has used it to His glory.
• My students in Vila Esperança (past and present) - it has been a privilege to have been allowed to be a part of your lives.  I am so proud of your efforts.  Keep practicing your English!!  Love you guys!
• Students and staff at Life English Center - It has been a joy to be a part of this experience together with you.  You all will always hold a special place in my heart.  Keep learning and practicing your English!
• Vida em Cristo Church - My Brazilian church family you welcomed me and made me feel at home.  You are my "Brazilian" family.  You will always be close to my heart.  Love you all!
• Friends and Supporters - Without you all I would have never made it to Brazil the first term much less this second term.  Thank you for answering God's call to impact my life and the lives of those here in Brazil.
• My fellow co-workers - A. Brakefields, D. Warrens, D Kochendorfers and J Kochendorfers - I thank my God for the opportunity to have worked side by side with you all!  You are more than co-workers you are family.  I will forever treasure the memories of our time together.
• Yakima Evangelical Church - Church family you were there at the beginning and you are with me now at the end.  Thank you for hanging in strong and being such a strong back of support during all these years away from you.  I look forward to worshipping with you again in the future.
• My family - Thank you for trusting Jesus during this past decade as He deemed it necessary to take me to another part of the world to do something incredible!  Your daughter, sister, sister-in-law and Aunt return to you a much different person.  Thank you for trusting God through this transformation process.  I love you!
• My God, My Jesus, My Precious Holy Spirit - To You and You alone be all the Glory and here's to the next chapter.....I Love You!!!!!

the problem of pain......

  

the problem of pain is......

Wait a minute isn't that the title of a book by C.S. Lewis?  While I haven't actually read The Problem of Pain it is definitely a volume I want to get my hands on so as to get some insight into what Lewis has to say on the subject.

Me?  Well I can't promise anything as remotely profound as Lewis what I can share is some of what God has been dealing with me about as of late.

Which in some part will explain my prolonged absence and silence on the web.  God and I have been battling through some difficult heart issues which have been buried underneath layers and layers of self comfort, self-protection, hiding and running.  Ah....there is nothing like being in a spiritual desert to expose the depths of what lurks in the recesses of the human heart and there is nothing like a loving God who won't leave well enough alone.

The problem of pain is.........we find ourselves in a world where pain is an everyday occurrence and we were never designed to have to live with this reality.  That my friends....is difficult for me to swallow....for I have had to live with more than my fair share of pain.  I know what it to be bullied, humiliated, mocked, rejected, lonely, used, abused and taken advantage of.  There isn't a single human being who doesn't know what it is to experience pain.  The question is.......what does one do with it?

The question of  the hour....what do I do with my pain?  I wish I could say I've always know the right way of handling my heart in regard to this....but as God has revealed I haven't.  You see after peeling back layer after layer I have come to realize that I believed the lies that I could actually manage my pain.....that I could hide from it.......run away from it. 

The truth of the matter is this:

I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world  you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.  - John 16:33

and....

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.   Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  - Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus knows what is to be clothed in human skin......He knows what it is to experience pain....He also knows what it is to be faced with the world's comentary(Satan's lies) on what to do with ones pain.  The world (Satan) would tell  you pain can be stuffed, numbed, escaped, and hidden from and you can pick what ever method works for you.  Yet Jesus says....."in this world you will have tribulation"....period.  We will experience pain.....and there is no escaping it......but what are we to do when we are faced with it....and it feels so overwhelming and the suffering so excruciating?  Jesus knows we are constantly faced with the temptations to "mishandle" our hearts....and he sympathizes with that temptation.  He, himself faced the very same temptations.....yet did not give in.  He says to us in those excruciating moments.....

 "Come here......and let Me give you what you truly need."

I know this because He has been saying this to me.  He has exposed my ways of trying to handle my pain.....to which He has revealed is a form of idolatry....because I dared to believe that I could deal with this reality of pain in my own strength........independent from Him.

Ours was never intended to be an independent existence.....and anyone who would dare suggest that it was is a liar.

So as we enter into a new week......may I ask how are you really and are you allowing Jesus to be the High Priest of your soul?

 

God's timing is perfect.....

 
 

How's your Friday??

Well as some of you know I have been having quite a time getting regular sleep.  I just want to say to those of  you who have been praying....thank you.  The past three nights I have been sleeping well and am hoping it continues.

Also, I want to say that this morning I woke feeling a little dejected and in need of some encouragement.  God is so good because in my inbox I received a message from one of my mentors and the words were indeed timely and very encouraging.  So I'm going to share Proverbs 3:13-26 here with you all.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,

for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.  She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.   Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.   Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.   The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew.  My son, do not lose sight of these-- keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.  Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.  If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.

Find wisdom......get understanding.

hurdles........

Our church cell groups have been meeting now for four weeks.  Some of you may be asking yourselves, "what is a cell group?"  Well let's just say it is the same thing as a home group.  We meet on Thursday nights at Roberto and Ana's house.  Our time together usually consists of an activity to get everyone involved and then Roberto facilitates the conversation centered on a short bible passage and how we can apply it to our lives.

Because this is a small group of about 6 to 8 people we are all encouraged to participate.  Here is where it gets interesting and I say this because several years ago a setting like this would send me wanting to  hide myself.

Hide.......why?

Hide......because I wanted to save myself at all costs from embarrassment and humiliation.......we all know it as......shame.

For a very long time I lived in shame.....and it kept me as it's prisoner from being me and expressing my point of view or the things I observed.  When I would be in a situation where others wanted to know what I thought.....I would find a way to hide and avoid expressing myself....all because I believed that what I thought or would express would be wrong or stupid or simply of no value to the listener.

Amazing the lies the enemy presents to us.....and amazing still.....that we actually believe them.

I share all this to say......that now the way I respond has changed.

I don't hide.......nor look for ways out......although at times I'm tempted to do so.

No, instead....I choose to remember and believe who God says I am and what He has done for me.

So Thursday evening.....when given the opportunity to share......I did.......in portuguese.

It's amazing to me that when we overcome a hurdle with God......He gives us another one which requires us to trust Him in overcoming.

So.....what hurdles are you having to trust God in overcoming?

 

from my heart to yours.....

God is not so overly concerned about giving us our own personal earthly wants as He is about perfecting our character.....for the sake of His great name.

Have a wonderful weekend.....spend some time reflecting on the kind of character He wants to perfect in you.